The Bar

Ok so this is basically my lazy way of throwing up reviews for multiple movies at once that I allowed to slip through the cracks, expect a music one to come soon too.

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Starring: Belen Rueda, Fernando Cayo, and Roger Princep

Director: Juan Antonio Bayona, Patricia Echevarra, and Margarita Garcia Rodriguez

Writer(s): Sergio G. Sanchez

Studio: Picturehouse

Rating: R

Official Bar Score: 

Hailed as 2007’s Pan’s Labyrinth The Orphanage tells the tale of a women who grew up in an orphanage and one day returned to reopen it herself and carry on the tradition. However when she was slated to reopen it her own adopted son turns up missing. Fearing the worst the mother tries to piece together the clues of the house and her son’s “not so imaginary friends.”

Frankly outside of the movie being in Spanish and being very fantasy based the film isn’t like Pan’s Labyrinth at all, that was simply a ploy to cash in on Guillermo del Toro’s name who produced the film. While Pan’s Labyrinth was somewhat a children’s movie for adults (if that makes sense) The Orphanage was simply drawn out and down right boring at times. Plus there were so many inconsistencies such as “why would the boy simply bang on the wall instead of screaming for help.”

It seemed like I spent the first hour of the movie waiting for something to happen and then the supposed twist of sorts was as unlikely as they come. The attempt the give the movie a fairy tale ending just cheapened the experience more and really helped to kill any spookiness the film hoped to establish. Plus what was the point of the little boy having HIV? Seemed like a bit of overkill (pun intended).

I went in to the film hoping for something on the level of Pan’s Labyrinth and what I got was a boring film with a shitty payoff.

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Starring: Steve Zahn, Allen Covert, Ashley Scott, Justin Long, Jonah Hill, and Kevin Heffernan

Director: Fred Wolf

Writer(s): Peter Gaulke and Fred Wolf

Studio: Paramount Pictures

Rating: R

Official Bar Score: 

Peter runs his own nature show that he inherited from his dad and has since taken the show’s ratings into the crapper. Along with his buddy Fred (note: the two main characters are named after writers Peter Gaulke and Fred Wolf) the two hatch a plan to find Bigfoot and keep the show alive. Along with a crew of misfits that seek out deep into the jungle to hunt down the elusive animal.

First off, if you don’t like complete nonsense don’t even bother. Much like Grandma’s Boy (though that film was better) Strange Wilderness mainly focuses on bits rather than it does trying to string a plot together. While the jokes aren’t nearly as hitting as Grandma’s Boy, Strange Wilderness still delivers some decent comedy in the world of stoner comedy. Pretty much compromising of the same characters you’ve come to know in the Happy Madison films and a surprise or two (Robert Patrick in the most awkward cameo ever) the film treads the same waters as you’d expect.

If you loved Grandma’s Boy don’t expect that from this film but let it stand on it’s own two feet. It’s basically a cast having fun and not trying to make much sense in between as shown by the last shot of the movie in which the actors couldn’t even stay in character. Worth seeing for the Bigfoot confrontation alone.

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Starring: Aurelien Wiik, Patrick Ligardes, David Saracino, Maud Forget, and Samuel Le Bihan

Director: Xavier Gens

Writer(s): Xavier Gens

Studio: After Dark Films

Rating: NR

Official Bar Score: 

Set in Paris the French film follows Yasmine, her brother, ex-boyfriend and two others as they commit a heist amidst race riots and set forth to get out of Paris. Of course her brother being shot and killed is only the beginning of Yasmine’s issues as the group come in to contact with an Inn that is run by a cannibalistic cult.

Now for story purposes the film is nothing new as the angle has been beaten to death and where the box says the French’s answer to Saw and Hostel (seriously stop name dropping those two films on every straight to dvd horror flick it’s really fucking annoying.), I consider the film to be more of the French’s answer to The Texas Chainsaw Massacre.

Though even with the story the film excels with it’s raw violence and insanity, especially the last thirty minutes or so which features explosions, exploding heads, and death by circular saw just to name a few. It’s at this point that the true gore hounds will fall in love and the film starts to break away from the pack. In fact the film never makes any attempt to hide the type of film it is, it is a gritty bloody film right to it’s core and don’t expect to be shown any mercy.

Frontier(s) is the best film to come out of After Dark to date and ironically they couldn’t even show it at Horrorfest because of it’s content. One last warning though the film is in French with English subtitles but I’m sure gore lovers are used to getting their blood from non-English films. Outside of the lack of an original story and the ending of the film there is nothing I can say bad about this film. Simply put, Frontier(s) is a good time.

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Starring: AJ Bowen, Scott Poythress, Anessa Ramsey, Justin Welborn, and Michael Sahr Ngaujah

Director: David Bruckner, Jacob Gentry, and Dan Bush

Writer(s): David Bruckner, Jacob Gentry, and Dan Bush

Studio: Magnolia Pictures

Rating: R

Official Bar Score: 

The Signal is a film in which a strange signal that interrupts t.v. broadcasts and phone lines starts to reprogram the thoughts of people and more or less turn them into homicidal maniacs. Plain and simple, it’s very cut and dry no twists just sheer violence. Think a zombie movie, only the people are alive. The film is separated into three transmissions, each helmed by a different director. The first simply introduces the madness, the second brings in some comedic relief while still remaining true to the film, while the third attempts to tie everything together in a not so neat knot.

First off, when you watch the film don’t think you got the wrong movie I almost did that. The film starts off when an homage to 70’s horror and the same is done each time a new transmission is introduced. Secondly the idea of a different director taking over for each transmission is neat and for the most part works well. The pacing of the movie is nice and each transmission back peddles a little bit to fill you in on what you missed so you get the feeling that you are seeing everything.

Now on the bad side of things the third transmission becomes a bit of a cluster fuck and brings the film down along with the fact that no explanation is ever given which both hurts and helps the film. It hurts in the sense that it leaves you wanting a better understanding but helps in the sense that more time was allowed for each transmission rather than spend it on back story. Also the whole bit with the chick and the headphones was a bit much, I mean who would walk around with headphones on when all hell was breaking loose and anybody could come up behind them at any given moment.

It’s a pretty neat take on the zombie genre even though it’s not a zombie film and even with the weak end the movie still comes off solid with a decent opening and a really solid second act.

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