The Chair (2008)
Get this at the TMB Store!
Starring: People You Don’t Know
Director: Brent Sulivan
Writer(s): No Clue
Studio: Lionsgate
Rating: R
Official Bar Score: 
I’m gonna keep this short and to the point: I’ve never been one to suck off a film simply because it was an indy flick and I wanted to look some some cool hipster with cred on the internet. The fact is, while this film may have won some awards across the Independent film scene, it just frankly isn’t any good.
The acting is terrible in every aspect, right down to terribly delivered dialect to the worst acting out of “a screw driver to the head” ever.
The story itself revolves around a delusional girl who moves into a haunted house starts seeing things, blah blah blah, the house makes her evil, blah blah blah, terrible acting ensues and a chair is used to “kill people” Problem is the plot device the film is named after goes 0 for 2 in kills, the screw driver on the other hand was batting 1.000 with a 1 for 1 kill rate. Shame too because the concept of the actual chair was awesome and really the only reason this even gets one beer. It is set up with gears and a girdle like device that tightens every time you inhale eventually squeezing the life out of you.
All in all this film came off as a generic PG-13 (even though the film is R for some reason) Amityville Horror rip off that should have been called “The Screw Driver.” I don’t feel like wasting anymore time on this piece of crap so I’ll leave you with this: Destroyer Destroyer is to music as The Chair is to film.
—————-
Now playing: The Sword - Maiden, Mother, and Crone
via FoxyTunes
Recent Posts by Dr. Monkey
- Slipknot Album Spotlight - August 25th, 2008
- Max Payne Trailer - August 16th, 2008
- Movie Review: Mirrors (2008) - August 16th, 2008
- Movie Review: Tropic Thunder (2008) - August 16th, 2008
- Metallica Announce North American Tour In Support of Death Magnetic - August 11th, 2008
![[del.icio.us]](http://images.del.icio.us/static/img/delicious.small.gif){kind=small}
wow - for a guy who won’t even post his real name as a reviewer, you sure are high and mighty.
have you ever made a film?
i’ve seen this film and it’s pretty damn good. but maybe you like plotless blood baths. you sound like you’re that kind of moron.
get a real job.
In Monkey’s defense, we call him Justin all of the time throughout the site. You should take a look! I use my real name, maybe you’ll agree with my reviews a bit more.
We are all horror fanboys here, but Justin is usually the more sophisticated of all of us. For example, he hated “Hostel” because it was nothing BUT a bloodbath. Wendell and I are the more immature “we like this movie because heads get chopped off and (insert attractive actress here) showed her tits” fans. Because of that, I think that I’ll probably agree with Dr. Monkey on this one if I ever get around to seeing “The Chair”.
Then again, Monk hated “The Abandoned”… that is almost unforgivable.
Yeah Monkey, get a real job!!!! You too Winston!!!!
As opposed to my fake job?
Let’s break this down shall we:
1.) As stated my name is all over the site but whatever, the high and mighty thing is just stupid, if stating your opinion makes you high and mighty aren’t you doing the same?
2.) So the fact that I’ve never made a film means my opinion about a film is invalid? Makes tons of sense.
3.) That’s the funny thing about opinions there Jason, everyone has a different one, to assume that I adore mindless blodbaths is yet another laughable assumption on your part.
4.) Yeah because reviewing movies and music on a website is my job right? Surely it’s unthinkable that I have a job elsewhere.
Heaven forbid I not like a “b” rated low budget suspense film that was literally shot in the director’s apartment.
O so now I’m immature for like tits and blood huh. You forgot explosions asshole.
Not to mention dick and fart jokes. Those are always good too.
But you are missing my point. WE both like tits and blood over just about everything else and will say a movie is good based on those and those alone if there is enough blood and nudity. Monkey usually doesn’t.
And yes that is kind of immature. Awesome, but immature.
and then there are always the really cool gross out stuff like green puss and putrid sludge with the crazy sounds in the score thats the best
instead of complaining about eachother just fucking say what the movie is about so i can watch it or not damn stupid fags
Third PAragraph (I can do it too), as far as viewing it I suppose the 1 beer doesn’t stand as strong as a good ol plot outline.
THE PLANTS THINK HUMANS ARE PARASITES AND ARE RELEASING A CHEMICAL THAT MAKES THEM WANT TO KILL THEMSELVES.